i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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