Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
ugly people sure do ruin things
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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