a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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