If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
