so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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