I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
