he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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