He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
