I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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