I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
