She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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