How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
