I swear she didn't look like that last week.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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