Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
this boner is exhausting
she peed on how many people?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
