You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
