I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
zippers are such a cool invention
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
