You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
