I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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