She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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