i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
