I just saw a hot homeless man
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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