It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
