I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
