My room smells like vodka and shame
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
