also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
