Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
