Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
