saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Still dying that you shit outside
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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