i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
