i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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