Rock
Scissors
Fuck
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
