and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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