i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
