I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
