My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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