I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
