My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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