Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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