At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
