Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
