Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
