i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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