You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize