I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
