Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
