uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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