i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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