they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You are a booty call, not a friend.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dear god my vagina.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
