You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
