She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
