Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
