dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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