she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize