I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
