Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
