Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
