Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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