Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
