Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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