In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
