The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you will always have a special place in my vag
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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