i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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