swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
