Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
