so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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