i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
