it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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