Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All the doctor said was why
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
