She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
