Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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