Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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