i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize